5 am

5 in the morning. i’d say i’m listening to the birds chirp but i’m listening to my siblings snore, a beautiful sound. knowing their breaths are aligned with mine as they sleep soundly in the middle of my room. it is here, 5 in the morning, sun filtering through my curtains, where I am serene. where I scold my anxiety for kicking in throughout the night, what are you so anxious for when you have this? eternal bliss. the 7 minutes of serenity god continues to bless me with. maybe that’s why he wakes me up at the crack of dawn. I imagine him telling me, look at this. be grateful for this if not anything else in your life. my siblings continue to snore, my little brother breathing a little heavier than my sisters. I woke up this morning from yet another nightmare. they had me locked up in a room with the same people that locked me inside my mind. everyday I have to force myself to look into their eyes and acknowledge that they still exist after enacting chaos into my head. how they can sleep soundly, breathe evenly, knowing the effect their actions had upon me, i’ll never know. but maybe their actions are not for me to dwell on. life moves on, I just can’t believe they did too.