anxious about the world

it’s that time of the year again, afraid of being alone when we inevitably are.

I don’t feel good. my stomach is churning at the thought of being alone, again. why do I feel anxious and feel the need to call my friends, I should be calling god instead. am I becoming reliant on other people again? I think it’s just that time of the year. reminded of the way everybody always leaves. thinking about the invisible hands that have been carrying my soul everywhere i go, will they still be here next year? probably not. funny how i’ve learned how to love again, now more than ever I want to hold their invisible hands and bring them home. I keep thinking of their departure, tickets booked with the date unknown. their departure, my departure, where will they go? who will have their hearts the way they’ll always have mine? they all inevitably leave. i’m just worried about what’ll happen to me.