i must go

Suddenly I am envious, even more so than before. Of children, hearts so pure and futures so bright. Of married couples, of people with homes. Of animals with an owner. Of walls that provide shelter. Of people that smile. Of hands holding hands and arms around each other’s necks. Of mouths with laugh lines. Of rings on fingers. Of missed calls. Of unanswered texts. Of arms open for you to fall to. Suddenly I’m more bitter than ever before. Does that make me a bad person? To have so little and to want so much but to want what the rest of the world seems to have. Why is it that I’m deprived? Wish I could listen to soft snores, but I hear a mantra. Begging me to leave, begging you to leave. Pushing every fiber in my soul to stay. But I must go. I always must go.