i never let them go

I never let them go, even when I say I do I never really do. that’s something i’ve never told anyone. I remember everything and everyone, especially the after, not much about the before.

i’ve never done this before. i’ve been saying that a lot, but my shoulders have been weighed down this whole time. maybe I should hold them, lift them upright and tell them there’s no one else here to hold me, no point in waiting. who was I before and where am I now. im laced with hope and sheer curiosity for the “before” of the tragedies in the world, all i’ve ever seen is the after. maybe all I remember is the after. all too well. I knew all too well. creating my montage soon, about her and him and them and they and everyone and everything that’s paid tribute. my shoulders are weighing me down, no they’re weighing them down. who’s weighing who down, i’ll never really know. who to blame, how to feel. i’ll never let them go. I never let them go.