internal bruising

i’ve laughed too hard to be crying this much. cracked way too many jokes to ask my reflection if i’ll ever be the same as before. we’ll never be the same as the day before. tread carefully when everyone’s running past you. a sunset to reach but the moon’s already risen. chasing the light leads you ultimately nowhere, bask in her and it’ll always leave you staring at a retreating shadow of a figure never yours. and i’ve laughed too much to be crying this hard. ask the woman in a white lab coat if there’s anything good left in store for me in this world. she takes scans and comes up with nothing; asks me where it hurts and I tell her everywhere. now i’m lying on a stretcher counting days to yet another death anniversary; 20 more days. going to pretend I don’t remember your birthday, it’s engraved in my skin. tattooed but i’ve never touched a needle. and i laugh way too often to have reasons to cry.