july 12 🕊

there are a few things in life that i’ll never forget. Omid’s mother’s cries. my uncle telling me not to tell my mom that Omid was dead. my mom dialing +93 every night in august. the operators voice telling us “the person you are trying to reach is not there.” the split second at dawn when the world wakes up and i remember Omid won’t. 9 gunshot wounds but he was glowing in his grave. the moment I decided to tell someone and I called bushra. what the numbness is really like. what the numbness is still like. the moment i decided i was leaving. the moment I decided to stay. the first time i performed a piece on Omid in public in October. my grandpa crying; the first time for Omid, the second time for me. what it’s like laying in a puddle in the middle of an intersection, listening to strangers decide if they should move your body. waking up to a heart monitor when you were supposed to die. the things i still don’t talk about. all the words i’ll never speak. the two times he showed up in my dreams. one year down, a lifetime left to make him proud 🕊