my guilty truths

tonight I mourn something I once had instead of hoping to have it again. I accept that what I was I no longer am, and what I will be may not be who I was. I trace my fingers along the ridges of my face and wonder how so much change can take place and she, still looks at herself in the mirror the same. vanity has been a concept i’ve been acquainted with for too long, the disconnect between our reality and hers in the mirror stretches thicker as time passes. sometimes I wish vanity was a lifestyle that others possessed too. maybe then i’d live more lavishly than the one staring back at you. it’s that time of the night where I speak guilty truths again. i somehow believed being pretty would clear all the bruise colored hues and now those, hues are showing a lot more clear than ever before, my skin looks sickly like “emergency room-type sick patient” galore. but I use paintbrushes to paint over the illness, I sound insane but, i’ve come to terms on how to numb the permanency of this pain.