unedited

the worst thing I’ve ever done, is reach out to my friends when I’ve come undone. they see the worst side; the tears and the thrashing my head from walls on walls and they see the wallflower forever pasted to the ceiling fall to the floor, finally. they see red eyes and blotchy cheeks and soaked skin of the aftermath of my spirals. everyday we put on new faces, different from the day before, every night the faces melt off and the blotchy wet cheeks are formed. and every morning my heart beats faster and I wish it’d slow down, to a full stop. I’m not ashamed to say I wish I wasn’t here, I just wish no one ever knew I was. I wish the wallflower in me stayed the wallflower and no one ever sought me out. I wish it didn’t melt off at night and stayed there til morning, I wish my facade was the perfect facade; almost so real that even I’d believe I’m real. I know every word I utter has a whole different definition under my Miriam Webster and I wish they could figure it out, speak my tongue for once.